My Sunday Bloopers

Well, this past Sunday is what the Spaniards call, "LOCO!" My cousin was in town and was going to meet me at Church at 11:00 am. Lane was working that morning so I was cruising around and multi-tasking like a chimp. I just cannot seem to conquer it. I see a gnat and say, 'A gnat!' It's not that bad; I hope. Exaggeration folks! Well, I got out the door at 11:00 am instead of being at the Church at 11 am. I'm cruising down the road I like to call the 'I-tardy'.

Then I remember I have a movie due back at Blockbuster at noon. Curse them for their new 2 day policy. They take the 48 hours seriously! Now I have an errand I have to do or be penalized. The only thing to help this situation is speed like demon. I'm cruising to Mckenzie Towne when a cop steps onto the road and waves me to pull over. I should've floored it and faced the consequences later. Kidding! It wasn't Lane and this guy looked big and tough. As I rolled down my window and waited I started to sweat and began thinking of my pathetic plea I was going to give. I've been practising my speech for years now and all of a sudden it seemed really retarded. 'Officer, I should've known better! My husband is a police officer.'

I look at him guilty and then realize...it's Lane's partner! He said he was all excited because before he knew it was me he thought he was going to get a good one (if that explains how fast I was going). Then I hear Lane's laughing. He was in the second unmarked car beside his partner's police car. I was a joke to liven their day when they realize it's 'Trim's wife'.

I got off with a warning and continue on after being pulled over by the coppers. I pull up to Blockbuster and practically leap off my seat. Unfortunately, I am still a chub-chub from the baby and was wearing a jean skirt that was too tight. I had no feeling left in my butt so how was I to gauge where it swings?! I hit the door lock. I realized it before it was too late but this van is still new to me and as I was in a haste and couldn't find the unlock button fast enough, I just left the door open. As I took a few steps to the other side of the vehicle to get the movie out, my door closed! Locked out of the van with the two kids inside! Oh no! I ask Porter to open the door but he's strapped in, never opened a van door and laughing hysterically. No help at all. I can't remember Lane's number in his car. I go into Blockbuster and start using their phone and call the same three friends a few times each. I finally start leaving messgaes that go a little something like this, 'This is Stacey. I am stranded at Blockbuster and locked out of my car. I know you probably think you have a late movie because it's Blockbuster but you don't...I think. Please pick up your phone!'

Nobody picks up. I finally call the police station and get someone who will give me Lane's number. Then I call Lane and he leaves his post to come unlock the van for me.

As he unlocks the van from his car I can see him giving me a thumbs up for encouragement but the embarassment is shining through. Now his partner who just pulled me over hears I just locked myself out of the car. But I swear I am a genius!

I made it to Church at the ripe time of 11:45. My cousin thought she was in the wrong ward. Thankfully, she stuck it out and waited. In the end, we crowned the day with a warm bowl of Mac n'cheese and then the world became right again. The end.

Trains on the mind

Bright and early at 10:00 am I'm hearing some thudding coming from Porter's room. What I didn't know was behind closed doors was actually a construction site.

He had moved his curtain and hooked it on his bed for a little lighting and put on his Percy the Train hat to set the mood.

He then started propping up his books to make a tunnel for his pal Thomas. When I opened the door he was starting Thomas' engine and letting him travel through the long tunnel to be rewarded at the end by the light of day.

I only got a quick witness of it because then he stood up like he might be in trouble and even started to take it down. Poor fella. Little did he know this was a camera moment to document his creative genius! In fact. while I started to take pictures of it all, he started to take it down to give me the hint that he was tired of taking pictures!

Bushman

A few weekends ago I went to Time Out for Women. Whilst Grady and I were away in Edmonton, Porter and Lane were working on their manliness. Porter says to Lane, 'Dad, can I pee in grass?' Lane says, 'Sure.' I mean why not, right? So in our backyard, Porter whips down his pants to his ankles and aims for the middle of the grass. No folks, the yellow grass on the lawn is not from a dog but from my son. J.K. Then while we were on our family walk, the same one where Porter scraped his elbow, Porter said, 'I have to go pee!'
I panic, we are so far from home, how are we going to make in time for him to go the bathroom? Lane says, 'Come with me', and away they go into the bush. When Porter came out he said, 'Mom, I feel better!' This is a pro.

The con: Twice on our way to Church, Porter has whipped his pants down to his ankles and tinkled on the front lawn. Somewhere the line must be drawn. Peeing on the side of a highway while on a roadtrip: a good thing. Peeing on the front lawn when a toilet is 15 feet away: bad. Here is a picture of him on one such occasion on the way to Church.

I have a problem, I say no and tell him not to do that, but I guess I am too gifted at having an omniscient viewpoint. If I was just a fly on a wall, I would just laugh my guts out.